Day 9: Fear in Disguise

Psalm 4:4

“In your anger, do not sin…”

Several years ago, I was listening to a lecture given by a child psychologist. While he had a lot of wisdom to offer about various aspects of child development, this one simple line resonated with me in a special way and I’ve never forgotten these words: Mad has to go over to sad.

The lecturer went on to explain how common and natural it is for people of all ages to cope with uncomfortable emotions by masking them with anger. It is hardly a conscious effort, but rather an instinctive response that often occurs when we are overwhelmed or confused by our other emotions. He explained that when children are acting angry or throwing tantrums, there is often another emotion behind it, and the quickest way to help them move past it is to help them identify the underlying emotion, feel it, and then work together on an appropriate response. I started paying attention to my own children’s outbursts and realized that responding to their anger with anger or punishment simply prolonged the struggle. In small children, mad almost always goes over to sad before the situation is resolved. 

Then I started paying more attention to myself. Though it was pretty hard in the moment, after I had calmed down from being angry I could almost always identify another emotion that was hiding within the anger. Sadness, sometimes, but also feelings of frustration, disappointment, grief, failure, inadequacy, and fear. These feelings are painful, and I’d rather avoid feeling them. Lashing out in anger gives me a sense of being in control when my genuine feelings are threatening – because they reveal all the things I can’t control. It is false and it is temporary, but it will persist until I call a spade a spade and identify what hurts. This defense mechanism seems to come standard on most human beings.

The problem with this is that reacting in anger, especially when being angry might not seem justified to those around us, can lead us into words and behaviors that cause pain to others. Physical violence, hurtful words, damaging objects… in others words: sin. Anger so very easily leads us to sin. And the worst part about it is that usually anger isn’t even at the root of the problem.

“In your anger do not sin,” is an admonishment found twice in the Bible. It is maybe more familiarly known from Ephesians 4:26, but in his letter Paul is actually quoting Psalm 4:4. I happened to read this verse in two different Bible translations and the differences were so intriguing that I ended up theology-nerding out with my husband a bit, using all sorts of crazy reference books. It turns out, I had underestimated this old familiar verse. 

In short, the word often translated as anger refers to a trembling or quaking reaction caused by a strong emotion such as anger or fear. It is in this state that we must be especially careful not to sin – because it is exactly then that we are especially prone to it.*

Let’s face it, 2020 has been a scary year. And even as we hear calls for unity to face our circumstances together, it sometimes feels like the division and controversy is only growing. Even if we want to be united, we can’t agree on what we should unite behind. There are ugly words on social media and on television, ugly actions occurring in streets and parks around the country, and it seems to only escalate. I wish I could say that people who identify themselves with Jesus were somehow rising above the fray, but I think we all know that isn’t true.

What if we could acknowledge that so much of our anger is actually a costume disguising the fear, grief, and disappointment that might otherwise overwhelm us? We are trembling with these strong and painful emotions and it’s coming out sideways. Our fear cloaked in anger is leading us to sin, and it won’t stop until we rip off the mask like a Scooby Doo villain. 

Perhaps it’s time to do as the rest of Psalm 4:4 instructs: “search your hearts and be silent.” 

The remaining verses of Psalm 4 are like a guide for resolving the tantrum. Like a good parent, our loving Father sees our angry outburst for what it is and patiently longs to lead us to a healthy resolution.

v. 5: Trust in the LORD
v. 6: Let the light of your face shine upon us, O LORD.
v. 7: You have filled my heart with greater joy
v. 8: I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety. 

In the end, we find our peace and rest when we find our security in God alone. 

* We studied this primarily using a Hebrew Interlinear Bible and a theological dictionary, but if you don’t have access to those you can easily look up an Amplified Bible online to explore different possible translations.

Moment of Beauty

Music can elicit and help us express our emotions. The first movement of Beethoven’s 5th Symphony is a classic and familiar peace that really expresses this feeling of anger eventually resolving in peace. And if you happen to be a more visual than auditory person, this graphical representation of it can help you see what’s happening in the music. Even if you aren’t a big fan of classical music, this may be a good background for asking God to help unmask any hidden emotions so you can move through to peace.